Have you seen Boiler Room?

I've been working at this crazy job since July and I love the excitement but I feel like I'm in a hamster ball. At first I was learning as fast as I could but I kind of peaked momentarily at this level where I finally know what my job is all about. It's as if I have seen my owner cheering me on from outside the terrarium that is my world and now I've decided that, damn it all, I can run this little hamster ball right off its hinges if I try hard enough. You'd think I would have reached that point sooner than 4 months in but I started more or less from scratch, by choice. I guess I love doing things the hard way. It would be even more difficult without the support of parents and friends.

It's gonna tear away at my precious notions of free time. (It already has.) I am surrounded for the most part by people that are unlike me, whose goals are unlike mine. But I feel like my goals see their goals and raise them a couple, ya know? So I'm sticking it out. "LIKE A HOG," my manager would yell.

The couple of people who joined the company with similar goals have varying degrees of commitment. They kind of want to learn about the market but they realize it requires a significant amount of time and effort just to take the first step. This has stopped most of them in their tracks. This disappointed me, considering they were the folks I most identified with at first but I realized my views about saving the world and public-service-through-peace-corps ideas have changed a lot in 4 years.

The turning point was when my dad suggested that it is much easier to apply one's vision for change from a seat of power and influence. Since then my relationship with the ideas of power and influence has gone from love/hate to one of measured tolerance. I think that's a little healthier anyway. The cult of personality is a little much whichever side of it you're on.

Speaking (earlier) of hamster balls, I saw this guy on Conan who ran 50 marathons in 50 days in all 50 states. He wants to run in an inflatable/waterproof hamster ball across the English Channel. What a badass.

I've been getting my zen on regularly. That's the phrase we use at work to avoid referencing specific religions. (doesn't really make sense, does it?) We do that because there are a surprising number of people in the office with no tact whatsoever. I'm fine with the phrase because it's pretty much true in my case.

Anyway, that's where I've cultivated the patience necessary to plug on. I already had the limitless optimism. Luckily I'm finally getting a bite of all the carrots that were dangled in front of me. And, boy oh boy, I was hungry.

In the meantime, I take outings to the city and the town now and then to hang out with my friends who are fantastic. Their support is invaluable. They remind me in practical terms that one should approach situations without expectations. You will not be disappointed, you will always learn something and you will always walk away (or hop on the train) a better person.

Other than that, I work in the garden, skateboard, run, play video games, cook, read and play Diplomacy when I'm not developing crushes on the Bloomberg and CNBC anchors.

And I'm out.